Thought Provoking Phone Call

I received a lovely bracelet on Friday from the facilitator who matched me with the surrogacy parents. I had emailed her to thank her, and ask her about something. She called me back, and a whole conversation was started...

First, I've already been asked by the parents of Milena (the baby) if I want to carry again for them. I told them that I'm not decided on it, and that I needed some time to process, and recover physically from the experience. I said that for 6 months I didn't want to think about it. I'm partial to doing it again for them, since I think it would be very special. However there were various things that came up during the time, and at the end of the pregnancy, I had stated that I would not do it again for them. I said this to Leia, the facilitator, and to some close friends. After going thru the delivery, and having had some time to process those things that happened. I realized, that the mom was very stressed/anxious about becoming a mom. This manifested in some behaviour that was not appreciated by me. As well it was their first baby, and they were worried about every little thing. SO...I do understand what happened, and why. I'm a little hesitant still, because some of these issues, are ongoing with the mom.

Well during the conversation with Leia, the facilitator, she asked me if I was going to want to do another surrogacy. She had this couple, and she thought they would be a great match for me. WHAT?? I was a little thrown off, and then she told me their story. A couple with one child already, who when pregnant with their second baby, the mom had a placenta abruption, and the baby drowned in utero. Because of that abruption, she can't carry another child. They have already been matched with a surrogate, but it hasn't worked. The fertility doctor, told them they needed to go with someone who has had a successful IVF pregnancy, and preferably someone that he has worked with. I immediately was struck with a strong desire to help them. Of course. Who wouldn't want to help a couple who had lost a baby, and wanted to still add to their family. I talked for awhile with Leia about my concerns about my first couple, and that despite those concerns I did feel a sense of loyalty to them. F She's left it with me, and I'm thinking about it right now, and am going to speak to the first couple this weekend about everyone's expectations on a second surrogacy journey, and what that would involve.

Lots to think about.

My Surrogacy Birth Story

The plan was to be induced on Dec. 18th, Thurs. morning. So after a cup of coffee, we all showed up on Thursday morning at the hospital, at 8:00am. Mom, Dad, my support person, and me. I was relieved that I was being induced first thing as there was some possiblity that I would be pushed forward into the day, or even the next day. By the time they got me all admitted, and hooked up to the drip it was 9:00am. I was hooked up to the drip, instead of just breaking my water because I was strep b positive, and needed antibiotics.

So began a day of sitting around talking, and not going into labor. The baby apparently was quite comfy inside of me. They had the drug as high as it could go, and I wasn't having any contractions that were actually considered "labor" I was still having the braxton hicks, a little stronger, but NOTHING! I had mistakenly thought that I'd show up and boom, the labor would begin, NOPE! At this point they checked me and they said I was 4-5cm. After discussing with the Obstetrician they decided to then break my water, get things going.

They broke my water at 3:30, and pretty much immediately things started to move along. At 3:45 I looked at the clock and said "Ok this hurts, I'm gonna call it labor now!" Pretty shortly after I got the nitrous gas going. I'm a lover of the gas, took the edge right off the pain, while I felt it, I went to a happy place in the moment of the contraction. 5:00 I started to feel the first feelings of some pressure down below, and during the contraction a slight pushing feeling. The nurse checked and I was 5cm still. This to me seemed odd because things were progressing. I think the nurse made a comment of it would be a quick moving thru til ten. She began to get things ready for the baby to be delivered, so I knew it was going to be soon. She was right! The last half hour was just the beginnings of pushing, and then pushing, and then all of a sudden, she was born at 5:30pm! Every one was crying, including me, I was so happy for the parents, and was relieved the work of delivering was over. Not that I could complain about the delivery, since it was quick. Quick I feel means intense, at least for me anyhow

After the baby was born, everyone was checking the baby out, they were fixing me up, I was feeling great. Doctor checked me out, gave me a little speech about coming to see him in six weeks, I could go home in four hours if I still wanted etc. Things seemed much like I remembered birthing my own daughters. About an hour after I started to have some symptoms that things were maybe not quite going the way they should after. Long story short, about two hours after delivery I had a hemorrage that resulted in me losing alot of blood, and scaring the daylights out of the staff and me. The staff was great though, and they took great care of me. I was not going home after all, since I had lost so much blood. I wasn't capable to even sit up in the bed, I was so weak. They monitored me closely overnight, and in the morning I had a blood transfusion. Which about halfway thru I began to perk up considerably, and continued to makea big difference. On the second night there, things were much better, and they felt I was recovered enough to go home in the morning. Yay!

How I'm feeling now :)

The experience of carrying this baby is one that I will take with me for life, and I feel so honoured to have been a part of. While I've helped give them the gift of a baby, I've learned alot about myself during this time, and have grown alot from it inside.

While initially I was eager to go home and "get on with life" the experience of the hemorrage was so overwhelming and scary I was not upset about staying in hospital. I was to weak to even really care, beyond them just "fixing me up" and making sure I'd be ok. I knew once I was starting to get a little antsy during the transfusion, I was on the mend. And on thinking about it, I'm actually in a weird way kind of thankful/at peace with the hemorrage. Because I stayed at the hospital for two days, I got see them with their baby alot, they visited me in my room alot, let me hold her, talk to her, fed her, and just kind of "get to know her" I got to see them experiencing the first moments of parenthood, which was beautiful to see. Had I left and gone home in four hours I wouldn't have had that, and it was a gift to me. I have all along not felt like she was mine, and even when she came out it felt different than my own daughters. When she came out, and the doctors were cleaning her up I didn't feel that feeling like I did with my own daughters. Which was ...."bring my baby back! so I can love on her!" Experiencing all those things in the hospital really showed me that I truly had a good handle on my emotions. When I held her it felt like I was holding a friends baby, and enjoying their new baby. Not my own baby. So in a weird way, the unfortunate hemorrage was a blessing in disguise.

That's the story! Mom, Dad and Baby went home to Toronto to a house full of people to celebrate her! This makes me smile, and even cry some tears of happiness for all that she will be bringing to the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Babies are such a blessing :)

Blogging....

Hello Blogging!

I thought I would try my hand at this blogging business! Seems alot of people are very into this, and I enjoy checking out others blogs.

Some things I plan to confess to my blog :

My mom life, and all the boring details of that!
My curly hair, and how I keep it curly!
My dating life, and all the pathetic details of that!
My on going surrogacy story, that is physically done, but is an ongoing relationship.
My exercise and regaining of my figure after birthing the little surrogacy baby just 3 short weeks ago!
And anything else that strikes my interest at any given moment!

So what strikes me now, is that I need to get off the computer, exercise, and clean up my place a little before it's time to go get the girls from school!