Life...

Well life has been fairly unexciting....well not totally....

I had girls night out on Saturday, and truly that was a good time. My girlfriend calls us the Yummy Mummy's....and after Friday's night escapades it's safe to say I've put the crown back on :P One of the great suprises to divorce has been my wonderful female relationships, and the great times we've had. Not just nights out, but good heart to heart friendship, where I've felt comfortable to say at different times, not proud of that moment, time to improve on that, that was difficult to experience etc.

Sunday was quiet....with some laundry and E! True Hollywood Story to go around. I love Quiet Sundays truth be told. I used to be a big church goer, and even taught Sunday School....honestly...if you could've seen me dancing my butt off on Saturday it would be hard to imagine LoL Anyhow, after years of church attendance on a day when I was very tired after a busy week, often working til 11 on Sat. night, I'm more than happy to give up going to church on a Sunday morning. Not that I've given up going to church, I just go on Saturday nights now to the Catholic church. It's a much more forgiving environment, very respectful, and is at a time when it seems logical to attend church.

Exercise and Weight Watchers has been consistent which I'm feeling really good about. I couldn't help it and I stepped on the scale this past weekend, and I was down a couple of pounds. This encouraging when you are working hard at losing the weight. I'm curious to see what the Weight Watchers scale will say tomorrow night. I'm also seriously contemplating a purchasing a treadmill. I would like to run a 5K in the Spring, and this would be a great tool to help me prepare for that. I'm not a big fan of outdoor running in the winter, and I'm not getting a membership at a gym to use a treadmill. I already own a really good Elliptical machine, and that has worked much better for me than going to the gym. I'm going to look into it a bit, price them out.

I'm now in my last week off of work, which I'm a little sad about. It's been nice to be off with my girls. Especially the last 5 weeks. Once I gave birth, and started to feel like myself, it was great to be home with them, to take them to school, pick them up etc. With my schedule I usually am dropping them off at 6:30am at their dad's house. They don't really enjoy the getting up early. I not very often have to work afternoons, but when I do I'm not home at night with them. However I'm looking forward to getting back to regular life, and routine. Work brings that, as well it brings a bigger pay cheque than the Employment Insurance gives me :D That's nice, and one of the reasons why I'm going back to work before I'm required to. So I'm going to enjoy the last week of non work :D

Weight Watchers

I went to my first meeting in a year. I was pleasantly suprised to find that the ladies remembered me, and that I was a life time member, meaning I only needed to pay for one week/month. I haven't been in a year, because I broke my foot last January, which meant some gained weight, I healed the foot. Then promptly started the IVF treatments,which meant weight gain. Sheesh. Not much reason to attend! Well I have lost about 20-25lbs of the baby weight, pretty much what I gained during the pregnancy. Now to work on the "broken foot" 20 :S

I came home a upset, the scale said a little more than I liked, but I was weighing at night, which puts on a few. I always weigh in the morning. But still. None the less, I need to lose some weight still. I do tend to eat pretty good. More than anything, getting back into meetings will help me to keep track of all the hidden calories etc.

I've already been exercising for a week and a bit, and I'm almost up to my usual time/intensity. I exercised the whole pregnancy, up until 34 weeks. At that time I was told to lay off because I had so much braxton hicks, and some bleeding. I plan to exercise 4-5 days a week.

One things for sure, I won't be carrying anybody's baby until I get down to my goal weight. I don't regret starting out heavier than usual, as I was really careful not to gain too much weight with this pregnancy. But if I start out at goal weight, it will be nicer after the fact right?

Thought Provoking Phone Call

I received a lovely bracelet on Friday from the facilitator who matched me with the surrogacy parents. I had emailed her to thank her, and ask her about something. She called me back, and a whole conversation was started...

First, I've already been asked by the parents of Milena (the baby) if I want to carry again for them. I told them that I'm not decided on it, and that I needed some time to process, and recover physically from the experience. I said that for 6 months I didn't want to think about it. I'm partial to doing it again for them, since I think it would be very special. However there were various things that came up during the time, and at the end of the pregnancy, I had stated that I would not do it again for them. I said this to Leia, the facilitator, and to some close friends. After going thru the delivery, and having had some time to process those things that happened. I realized, that the mom was very stressed/anxious about becoming a mom. This manifested in some behaviour that was not appreciated by me. As well it was their first baby, and they were worried about every little thing. SO...I do understand what happened, and why. I'm a little hesitant still, because some of these issues, are ongoing with the mom.

Well during the conversation with Leia, the facilitator, she asked me if I was going to want to do another surrogacy. She had this couple, and she thought they would be a great match for me. WHAT?? I was a little thrown off, and then she told me their story. A couple with one child already, who when pregnant with their second baby, the mom had a placenta abruption, and the baby drowned in utero. Because of that abruption, she can't carry another child. They have already been matched with a surrogate, but it hasn't worked. The fertility doctor, told them they needed to go with someone who has had a successful IVF pregnancy, and preferably someone that he has worked with. I immediately was struck with a strong desire to help them. Of course. Who wouldn't want to help a couple who had lost a baby, and wanted to still add to their family. I talked for awhile with Leia about my concerns about my first couple, and that despite those concerns I did feel a sense of loyalty to them. F She's left it with me, and I'm thinking about it right now, and am going to speak to the first couple this weekend about everyone's expectations on a second surrogacy journey, and what that would involve.

Lots to think about.

Chapters & Bedtime Stories

Last night was a Chapters and Movie Night for the girls and I. They are like their mom, when going to the movies, they like to hit Chapters for a browse of the books, and then travel over to the movie.

I tend to not like the kid movie a whole lot, and sit thru them waiting for them to end. A couple of weeks ago, we saw The Tale of Despereaux, YAWN! I wasn't a fan in the slightest. Kids were undecided about it.

Last night we saw Bedtime Stories, which I had heard from different people was super good, and it was GREAT! Very funny...Adam Sandler is a genius in my books! Kids loved it as well :D

Date night with the little ladies was a success!

An In box full of???

So I joined an internet dating site last week, on the prodding of a very good friend, I haven't invested much time in it, as I'm easily turned off. Last night I was a teeny bit bored, so I thought I'd go a searching to see what is out there....as well I noticed since I had no pic, no much activity on my profile. I uploaded a picture of myself and see if that resulted in some activity on my profile.

Well I woke this morning to an inbox full...I guess my picture inspired some activity...and yes this picture is the one I used! Well it inspired a married man, 2 younger men who are much too YOUNG, 2 younger ones only by 2-3 years, no kids though, and 3 men around my age, with children. Yes that is full to me! I took the picture off this morning as I checked out the men's profiles, and messaged back 2....with a hey...thanks for the compliment...blah blah. See I'm already tired!

I'd like to meet someone, but life is busy and full, and I'm not sure how badly I want to, and how I would even fit someone into my life. I've decided to casually look, and see what comes of it....

My Surrogacy Birth Story

The plan was to be induced on Dec. 18th, Thurs. morning. So after a cup of coffee, we all showed up on Thursday morning at the hospital, at 8:00am. Mom, Dad, my support person, and me. I was relieved that I was being induced first thing as there was some possiblity that I would be pushed forward into the day, or even the next day. By the time they got me all admitted, and hooked up to the drip it was 9:00am. I was hooked up to the drip, instead of just breaking my water because I was strep b positive, and needed antibiotics.

So began a day of sitting around talking, and not going into labor. The baby apparently was quite comfy inside of me. They had the drug as high as it could go, and I wasn't having any contractions that were actually considered "labor" I was still having the braxton hicks, a little stronger, but NOTHING! I had mistakenly thought that I'd show up and boom, the labor would begin, NOPE! At this point they checked me and they said I was 4-5cm. After discussing with the Obstetrician they decided to then break my water, get things going.

They broke my water at 3:30, and pretty much immediately things started to move along. At 3:45 I looked at the clock and said "Ok this hurts, I'm gonna call it labor now!" Pretty shortly after I got the nitrous gas going. I'm a lover of the gas, took the edge right off the pain, while I felt it, I went to a happy place in the moment of the contraction. 5:00 I started to feel the first feelings of some pressure down below, and during the contraction a slight pushing feeling. The nurse checked and I was 5cm still. This to me seemed odd because things were progressing. I think the nurse made a comment of it would be a quick moving thru til ten. She began to get things ready for the baby to be delivered, so I knew it was going to be soon. She was right! The last half hour was just the beginnings of pushing, and then pushing, and then all of a sudden, she was born at 5:30pm! Every one was crying, including me, I was so happy for the parents, and was relieved the work of delivering was over. Not that I could complain about the delivery, since it was quick. Quick I feel means intense, at least for me anyhow

After the baby was born, everyone was checking the baby out, they were fixing me up, I was feeling great. Doctor checked me out, gave me a little speech about coming to see him in six weeks, I could go home in four hours if I still wanted etc. Things seemed much like I remembered birthing my own daughters. About an hour after I started to have some symptoms that things were maybe not quite going the way they should after. Long story short, about two hours after delivery I had a hemorrage that resulted in me losing alot of blood, and scaring the daylights out of the staff and me. The staff was great though, and they took great care of me. I was not going home after all, since I had lost so much blood. I wasn't capable to even sit up in the bed, I was so weak. They monitored me closely overnight, and in the morning I had a blood transfusion. Which about halfway thru I began to perk up considerably, and continued to makea big difference. On the second night there, things were much better, and they felt I was recovered enough to go home in the morning. Yay!

How I'm feeling now :)

The experience of carrying this baby is one that I will take with me for life, and I feel so honoured to have been a part of. While I've helped give them the gift of a baby, I've learned alot about myself during this time, and have grown alot from it inside.

While initially I was eager to go home and "get on with life" the experience of the hemorrage was so overwhelming and scary I was not upset about staying in hospital. I was to weak to even really care, beyond them just "fixing me up" and making sure I'd be ok. I knew once I was starting to get a little antsy during the transfusion, I was on the mend. And on thinking about it, I'm actually in a weird way kind of thankful/at peace with the hemorrage. Because I stayed at the hospital for two days, I got see them with their baby alot, they visited me in my room alot, let me hold her, talk to her, fed her, and just kind of "get to know her" I got to see them experiencing the first moments of parenthood, which was beautiful to see. Had I left and gone home in four hours I wouldn't have had that, and it was a gift to me. I have all along not felt like she was mine, and even when she came out it felt different than my own daughters. When she came out, and the doctors were cleaning her up I didn't feel that feeling like I did with my own daughters. Which was ...."bring my baby back! so I can love on her!" Experiencing all those things in the hospital really showed me that I truly had a good handle on my emotions. When I held her it felt like I was holding a friends baby, and enjoying their new baby. Not my own baby. So in a weird way, the unfortunate hemorrage was a blessing in disguise.

That's the story! Mom, Dad and Baby went home to Toronto to a house full of people to celebrate her! This makes me smile, and even cry some tears of happiness for all that she will be bringing to the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Babies are such a blessing :)

Bra Shopping Sucks

So I got off the computer and worked out, as I was giving it my E for Effort on the Ellipitical machine, I realized that my boobs had fallen out of my sports bra :S. I readjusted quickly and kept going, only to find it happen again, and again! GRR! I would guess that my previously fitting sports bra was a bit stretched out from the months of wear when I was pregnant, and the boobs were BIG! They aren't so big now... I've lost somewhere between 20-25lbs since I delivered, and this was made obvious to me that most of it was lost in the chest :P

So I completed my workout, showered, and headed to the mall to purchase a new sport bra. Feeling ambitious some might ask? Yes I was, bra shopping is something I dread. I'm never the same size twice it would seem. However, I figured I'd just by the same one, it fit initially when first bought, and it worked well. Well do you think Sears has the same bra? Nope, so began the trying on search. I tried on 20 bras, in varying sizes, styles etc. broke into a sweat, and cursed Warner's for not making that bra anymore! I finally found one that would work, and made my way out of the store, 45 dollars poorer, but with two new bras. Oh yes I bought two, because the second one was only 5$, and at that price you must buy a second!

Tomorrow when I work out I will be properly outfitted, and my boobs will stay where they belong!